I am ready for some football

I am officially ready for the '08 NFL season to begin, and it has to do with an episode of "That '70s Show" I saw last night.

Barry Williams and Chris Knight, who played brothers in a famous '70s sitcom, appeared as characters on "That '70s Show" who were domestic partners and new acquaintances of the Foremans, the show's central family (for those who don't know much about the series).

Anyway, patriarch Red Foreman is a very conservative guy. After the domestic partners enter his Wisconsin living room and sit down on a couch to watch a game between the Packers and the Vikings, Red kicks the other men out of his house. Not for their open homosexuality, but for their openness about being Minnesota-born Vikings fans. I always enjoyed that series as a whole, but that was a classic moment that I hadn't before seen.

D*&# Yankees!

My favorite team, the Twins, lost to the Angels last night.

They lost no ground to either the Tigers or Indians, for both of those teams were defeated Friday as well.

I would have preferred to see the division-leading Indians win. I don't care which team is playing the New York Yankees on any given night, I want to see - night after night - the Yankees' opponent (Cleveland all weekend) beat the Bronx Bombers.

The Indians could win twice today and tomorrow over New York, and the Twins could drop two more to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Calif. (USA), and I would be reasonably content about the baseball world heading into Monday.

I may not sound like the best Twins fan, wanting to see the Indians win the rest of their games this weekend. But if the Twins end this regular season out of the playoffs as they would be right now, they might look back to when they dropped 2 of 3 to the Royals earlier this week (combining to score a mighty 1 run in those two losses) or when the Twins dropped three straight to the Tigers in a mid-week series at the Metrodome earlier this summer (each of those losses by 1 run). As for the Tigers, if they should finish the season looking up at the Indians, the Tigers might look back to this week and ask themselves why they dropped two of three to the major-leagues-worst Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

I'm both a Twins and Indians fan this weekend. Any day of the season, I'll say "Go Twins!" first and "Go Yankee opponents!" second.

Back off!

You know what I really hate? When you'll be backing out of a space in a parking lot somewhere, and another driver comes zipping through the lot and stops basically at your bumper in waiting for you to complete backing up and move on.

Why can't they find an ounce of compassion in themselves and respect your comfort zone?

I've never really believed in casual, shall we say, interaction between two vehicles in a parking lot, but criminy, why do so many other motorists continue to insist on getting "friendly" with your car without even buying it dinner or a full tank of gas first?

Back off!

Let's get on with our lives

I just saw Barry Bonds hit his #756.

Maybe ESPN will finally get back to showing games involving TEAMS that are succeeding this year.

Yes, I have no more bananas

I bought four bananas for $1 at a SuperAmerica this morning.

I have since eaten all of them.

Certainly, that satisfied my potassium needs for today.

Has Pennsylvania seceded?

Celebrating a friend's birthday last night with some karaoke entertainment at a local bar, I won a free drink late in the proceedings by knowing that Strawberry Alarm Clock was the name of the group that had recorded the 1960s hit "Incense and Peppermints."
According to the coupon handed to me by the karaoke host, I could redeem it for a domestic bottle of beer, a rail drink, or a 16 oz. tap. I went to the bar and asked for a Rolling Rock.
The bartender advised me that it wasn't domestic.
I returned to my table with a bottle of Miller Lite, which was a fair 2nd choice, but I had to ask the other people at my table whether Pennsylvania had seceded from the Union without my knowledge (Rolling Rock having gotten its start in Latrobe, Pa.).
I figured that maybe it was a commonwealth issue, which if I'm not mistaken, would have also precluded me from redeeming my free drink coupon for anything brewed in Virginia.
Later, the bartender admitted that it was simply a cost issue (Rolling Rock being priced higher for the bar than other domestic labels).
For the record, I began singing before 9 p.m., and didn't stop until after midnight. There were very few other singers in the regular rotation, so I took the mike 8 times - in order - "Ants Marching," Dave Matthews Band; "One Thing Leads to Another," The Fixx; "The Impression That I Get," Mighty Mighty Bosstones; "You'll Accompany Me," Bob Seger; "Moondance," Van Morrison; "10th Avenue Freezeout," Bruce Springsteen; "Lady (You Bring Me Up)," the Commodores (w/ Lionel Richie); "And She Was," Talking Heads.
"You'll Accompany Me" and "10th Avenue Freezeout" I was trying for the first time.
I've got some Dos Equis Amber in the fridge at home right now; now I know that's not domestic.

Bowfinger's better

Perhaps not since "Ishtar" has a six-letter, one-word movie title been the butt of so many late-night TV jokes as "Norbit," the early 2007 release starring Eddie Murphy in multiple roles. Late last winter, it seemed like "Norbit" had gotten mention in David Letterman's Top Ten night after night for weeks.
There is much LCD (lowest common denominator) humor in this film, for sure. Eddie Murphy, as "Norbit," is married to a woman, Rasputia (also Murphy), whom is guessed by one water-park worker to weigh more than 300 pounds. Rasputia counters that she doesn't weigh an ounce over 175.
For the record, I think the water-park worker's guess is closer.
Whereas, Norbit appears as though he may not even be breaking 150.
The humor is predictable. What might happen, at a playground, if Norbit were to push his twice-his-size bride forward on a swingset? Will he get out of the way in time?
And, really, we understand that Rasputia is a heavy woman after seeing her run over Norbit during holiday-themed* marital relations and breaking the bed twice. *He wears a Santa beard at one point.
Did we need to see the same scene four or five times, set at different times of the year (including on Lincoln's Birthday, apparently, when Norbit is shown wearing a different beard)?
Will this win an Oscar? It would have as much chance at that as you might have at seeing puppy-dog-like Cuba Gooding, Jr., play a deceitful villain.
Oh, wait - we've got that in "Norbit."
As much as you won't want to spend too much time looking at Rasputia in a two-piece swimsuit, or a rear view (upper half only) as she prepares for a bubble bath, "Norbit" may well pick up at least a nomination for Best Makeup when the next Academy Awards roll around.
When I rented the DVD this week, I didn't have the time to watch the disc's feature on the makeup process that was involved. It could actually be worth another rental.

Life can be a drip

Some shirts you can wear more than once before washing.

Other shirts, not so much.
Especially if you're wearing one of those shirts while eating ice cream or frozen custard.

From a waffle cone. While you're seated at your steering wheel.